Amazon & the Snake

Martin dropped the wooden drawer on the cement floor, releasing a filthy cloud of dust and some dead spiders. The old linens fell out, stained and reeking of mildew. Then a snake poked its head out from between the ratty sheets and tested the air with its tongue. Martin froze, staring at the snake. Then he ran out of the room. The snake came out further and a tiny bare-chested Amazon could be seen riding it, pushing the sheet off as the snake emerged. “Where’d Martin go?” the Amazon demanded with a slightly Southern twang.

“Fuck if I know,” said the snake. “He’ll be back though, probably with a hoe or a baseball bat or something.” The Amazon shook her black mane of hair. “Yeah, but we’ll be long gone, right, Sam?” She chuckled.

“No, we’ll be right here.”

The Amazon stared. “What the fuck are you talking about? He’ll kill you! He gets a hoe and it’s got this long handle and you won’t be able to bite ‘im!”

“We’ll see about that.”

“No, I’m serious,” the Amazon said, pulling out a small flask from her belt and taking a long draw. “You can’t bite ‘im if he’s got a hoe and you’re gonna dah!” The snake turned toward the door and tested the air with his tongue. “He’s coming,” said the snake.

“C’mon! Giddayup! Less go! C’mon Sam!” She hit the side of the snake with her small flask. “C’mon c’mon, c’mon!” Sam stared at the door, his tongue quivering in the dusty air. “Here, I’ve got an idea! Let’s go hurry over to those shadows by the door and we’ll surprise him! C’mon, snake, that’s a great idea!” Sam pondered. Then he zipped over to the shadows by the door, the Amazon holding tight, her large boobs rocking. “Whoo-hoo!” she cried. “Now let’s be quiet and wait!”

The second Martin’s leg came through the doorway the snake struck and pierced through his denim pant-leg, recoiling just as fast. “You got it,” the Amazon whispered. With a terrific wail, Martin went crashing down to the floor, a dirty garden hoe clattering to the cement beside him. He squeezed his leg in pain, his face going white. Then his eyes darted around and he spotted the snake and Amazon a few feet away. “You fucker!” he growled. He reached back for the hoe but the snake struck again, this time hitting his cheek, just above his beard. “Aaaugh!” was Martin’s anguished cry.

“Sorry, pal!” the Amazon shouted, taking another swig. “C’mon snake, let’s get out of here!” With that the snake slithered out of the shed, the Amazon riding and looking back over her shoulder at the motionless Martin. “Yup, you killed him.” She took another long swig and off they went.

Copyright © 2008. All Rights Reserved.

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